🔗 Share this article

This period signifies a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the notion that someone could abruptly cease communication with a partner without a word seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a mate has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by online lingo.

Gen Z, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more unhinged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed guide to the terms Zoomers is using to talk about romance, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral memes, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

---

The Letter A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reply is engaged or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while radiating enigma and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to going for someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes partners who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks indicating a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes unstable, bad gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits affirm your decision to pursue a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and frequently trivial turnoffs that immediately shut down any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful act.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {