Late-Night Hosts Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Television's top entertainers devoted their airtime criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration initiative, labeled the "Trump card," portraying it as a clear pay-for-access scheme for the rich.

Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic holiday tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he touches."

The focus was the new plan which permits international citizens to purchase U.S. residence for an investment of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for $5 million. An official portal promises approval "in record time."

"One note here to rich foreigners: before you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the card is also designed to "get cash" from firms wanting to hire foreign workers, with hefty costs. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your selection – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"Unprecedented screening the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll ratings amid economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a bid to discuss affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a array of food items, and reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative news coverage of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.